"You could run from someone you feared, you could try to fight someone you hated. All my reactions were geared towards those kind of killers-the monsters, the enemies. When you loved the one who was killing you, it left you no options. How could you run, how could you fight, when doing so would hurt that beloved one? If your life was all you had to give your beloved, how could you not give it? If it was someone you truly loved?"

i am afraid of death. sometimes i question myself ,would i give up my life for the ones i love? would i suddenly be brave enough in the spur of the moment? i really dont know.
to me, death is like...suffocating. i dont know how to explain how i feel about death. when you die, it's like FOREVER. never coming back to earth ever again. When you've reached heaven ,what form are you in? Will you be feeling exactly the way you're feeling now? Daryl once told me it's like...before you were born. you didnt feel anything. it'll be the same with death. I think im scared because ,im so used to feeling the way i do ,so used to being me now. im so afraid to not feel anything. my mum said: "When you go to heaven it'll just be utter happiness. you'll feel so content that you just wont need anything at all." im still afraid. This is questioning my faith which is a big sin but what if there is no heaven. what if it's just..nothing. Ive thought about this till i cried before. it really really scares me. worst than cockroaches. i dont know which scares me more , Death or Losing my mum. i hate thinking about these two issues but sometimes it just pops into my head.

Well, things have been pretty good. i miss david. feels like he's been pretty far away for the past few days. he starts school tomorrow :(
anyway ,i love being in the relationship that i am in now. it's so warm and cuddly and full of laughs and happy times. but i cant stand the insecurities. not just him but me as well. i guess it's normal. i really cant stand it. my baby has changed alot from the last time. he's eased up more when it comes to certain issues and i really appreciate that. i love you. BUT you need to work on other things. as for me i am perfect. HAHAHA just kidding. YEAH YEAH YEAH MY ATTITUDE. god. well ,if you didnt get on my nerves maybe i wont show attitude at all. (i can so picture this part. he grabs me ,chokes me. and i pinch and slap his face. he hates it when i slap. muaha) i like wrestling with him. its fun.

D: what do you call a cheese that's not yours?
L: ..what?
D: NOTCHO CHEEESEEE
L: notcho..OHH as in NACHO cheese?
D: -.- yesss.
L: HAHA! THAT'S QUITE A GOOD ONE!


D: what do you call a nun that walks around aimlessly?
L: mmm..what?
D: a ROAMIN catholic
L: HAHA! ehh cannot make fun of nuns.
D: -.- shut up la!