christmas is nearing, i have a chemistry test tomorrow and more spring cleaning needs to be done. i think i am going to explode haha but i am excited nonetheless. oh yes and my math mid term test is on the 29th of december how fucking wonderful! and my open house is on the 28th...should i cancel? mdis needs to kena

i want this for christmas i already told David thanks!

help me :(

i never really had good friends in primary school. they were my good friends but they werent good friends. ive had a friend who brought me out on a Sunday, her parents drove us around and i remember feeling "ah..shes gonna be my best friend" then the next day i get full marks for a malay test (shut up) and she never spoke to me again because she didnt do very well. ive had friends who told me "can u not play with us anymore?" and i believe i was a part of the "plastics" in primary 4. real mean girl shit went down + bullying. ikr at primary 4? tell me about it. and then i made the most awesomest friends in primary 5 and i really thought they were the ones who were gonna be with me through thick and thin, we had dreams. BIG dreams. and then it all went down the drain in sec 1 because i was streamed to NA. once again i found myself pushed to the curb without any reason. more backstabbing in sec 1 because i made friends with the devil herself. she spread rumours about me when i was absent and acted like my best friend when i came back to school. and she tried to make me shoplift.. but of course i didnt. thinking back, i really let myself get pushed around because as weird as this may sound, i hated losing friends no matter how sucky they were to me. now that im older, i know who my real friends are and labeling someone your "best friend" just jinxes everything more often than not. and ive learnt that you have many kinds of friends. it used to be "good friends", "close friends" and "best friends" but now, ive realised that theres so much more to it. there are friends who arent your best friends but you tell them everything. and even though most of the communication is done online or on the phone and u only see their faces once in a blue moon, you just know u can trust them with your deepest darkest secret and probably even your life. then there are those u meet all the time but everything is just really on the surface level. theyre the ones u cant be serious with and everytime u get serious, it gets awkward. then there are the ones who get a boyfriend and you dont exist anymore and they start living in the shadow of their boyfriends. their mentality changes and u find, u cant trust them anymore. because everything u tell them, they tell their boyfriends. basically, they are the ones who lose their individuality once they get a boyfriend. then there are the friends, whom u bare your soul to and u think they are doing the exact same thing but in reality, theyre only giving u bits and pieces of it. and there are the friends whom u dont see for ten years and when you do meet, its like nothing ever changed.

if you dont care about you, then i wont. useless getting worked up when youre so nonchalant about everything. i want to say so many things to you, and i will. but not today because my blood is boiling at the fact that you are being so selfish to the loved ones around you who actually give a shit. if me caring about you so much makes you mad (especially if u read this) resulting in another broken friendship then im willing to risk it knowing i tried. my intentions are all good. seriously, what do i get out of all this? million dollar paycheck? no, i get to see my friend who is so dear to me considering the fact that ive known you since i was what 5? 6? be healthy. please, pride and ego aside and think about it. it isnt impossible. but really, im not gonna sit and watch u do this to yourself after what you went through. hate me for being naggy i really dont care. i tell it as it is and this is it

watched Milk today and it was really good apart from the very realistic assassination scene which made my heart drop but other than that it was awesome. james franco is so delicious thats a plus ++++

the last exhausting roadshow and i felt like a dirty, musty, oily mess after everything because: 1) the shirt is dry-fit & 2) haze + humidity = DEATH. i had to get out of the disgusting shirt so i changed and i felt so ugly, fat and frumpy in my outfit. and i was abt to cry because i felt so dirty and ugly at the same time that is the worst combination ever i swear. and david goes "girl, you look fine why are you about to cry" and i go "no im not!" but in my head "how u know" and now i am lying here exhausted but unable to fall asleep and im going for morning mass know. CHAM-PI-ONNNN.....

i was just thinking of fuzzy and decided to do these on paint cos they remind me of her..

and my heart keeps beating like a hammer says:
confucious or what
hahaha

hustle rose says:
that one my brother
elder brother
die alr

and my heart keeps beating like a hammer says:
oh is it?
poorthing were u sad

hustle rose says:
not really ah
wasnt getting enough attention from people
confucius took it all
during hari raya all
im like invisible to my family ah
no one wants to take pics with me

and my heart keeps beating like a hammer says:
HAHAHAHA FUCK YOU LA FINISH YOUR STORY NOT?

hustle rose says:
they only want confucius
KJHASKKDJASFDHSFKJHSDKAFJGSF
i feel like typing
cannot ah!
CHAO CHEEEEEE BAIIIIIIIII
hehheehe

and my heart keeps beating like a hammer says:
NABUEIIIIIIIIIIII

hustle rose says:
LANJIAOOOOOOOOOOO

"you may say im a dreamer. but im not the only one. i hope someday you will join us. and the world will live as one."

i did not blog about avalon but it was the most awesomest thing ever. i am still thinking about it! "majah lazah!" i showed my mum pics of flo rida and she goes "waaaahhh look at his tattoos..wahhhhh he's like buff but fat i liikeeee" ok mummy im sorry i couldnt bring back his sweat-soaked singlet for you.

i used to think snookie was the grossest female ever but now i think she is the cutest thing in the whole wide world because she walks like a toddler and shares the same obsession i have- Pickles. nice.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABEDABCDEFGHIJKLMEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

my hobby.... thats a rendang pastry by the way and it is fucking delicious as you can see by the greed in my eyes

stayed home the whole day because "im sick. -cough cough" "boo, you whore!" no but really..i woke up feeling like the whole inside of my face was filled with phlegm. so..i drowned myself in some family guy and started browsing through youtube and watched old mcr videos omg fucking nostalgic! reminded me of the times in sec 1-3 God dayumm i feel old. hmm still have a throbbing headache wonder if coffee with Charles tomorrow is still on.. it is 2.55am and i am hungry why the fuck am i always hungry at this time seriously i will soon have my own orbit around me like Peter Griffin just you wait and see

had a wonderful day with my girlz nory and winnie today.

anyway apart from that.. i felt so weird yesterday like i wasnt myself. like im miserable but im happy and then i feel like punching everyone and then i feel like giving everyone rainbows and hugs..and then you pop into my head and i feel like smashing my fist against the wall. and then i think about you, and i feel like smashing my fist against your face. and then i think of you and the angsty emotions disappear and i feel like im floating on a purple cotton candy cloud because u r mine 4ever.

we've been through way too much and lasted way too long despite everything to just throw everything away like it were trash. but somehow im so ready yet cant fathom the thought of not having you in my life at all. i dont want that. i just want you to realise. trust me ive realised my faults and flaws and you know that. i want you to grow up and open your eyes for there are far more important things in life and right now your priorities are really up your butthole and i cant take it anymore. it is so fucked up cuz i really see myself marrying you i really do but at the same time im thinking if you cant keep a simple promise and weigh the options of certain circumstances and make the right decisions for something that is literally hanging by a thread, how can i trust you with far more bigger things? i love you but you are ruining me slowly but surely when by right you are the one that is supposed to be piecing me back together when others break me. i love you but i hate you so much because u have the power to do that.

you have ruined me......................................................................................

4 more minutes to 5am guys. my hunger pangs have gotten worse. i realise i spelt disappointments incorrectly in my previous post..my sincere apologies. oh yes since im updating..again, i have to spread the joy and pride ive recently embraced for myself BECAUSE! ive been watching The Tudors! which is a series all about King Henry. im at season 3 now and i am very proud of myself because i never thought i'd adapt such an interest for King Henry. and today i am convinced my interest is genuine because i was flipping through cable and they were showing Elizabeth on hbo! (King Henry had Elizabeth with Anne Boelyn..yall probably know that alr but nvm let me sound knowledgable can thx) and i watched it and was actually rather captivated. and david goes: "ever since the stupid tudors youve been into all this old english history shit." why? nice what!